Mike Tyson is a Comic Genius
Empire magazine published a list of Mike Tyson quotes this month. Toast scribe Zack Cahill was highly amused and felt moved to share his thoughts on them.
On gorillas: “ I offered the zoo attendant 10 grand to open up the cage and let me smash that silverback’s snotbox”
I love how unprovoked this obviously is , what would a gorilla have possibly done to offend him? Clearly this is for no reason other than that’s how Mike Tyson’s brain works. He sees a gorilla and immediately wants to smash its face in so badly that he is willing to pay someone ten thousand dollars to let him. Also, the word snotbox.
On other fighters: “It’s ludicrous these mere mortals even attempt to enter my realm”
Brilliant. For a guy from “The Streets” he has an odd tendency to slip into a Lord of the Rings style grandiose way of speaking – “enter my fucking realm”?
On patriotism: “It’s un-American not to be with a beautiful woman. Not to get my dick sucked”
I think he’s utterly serious here, like he’s not just hamming it up to be funny or controversial. This is something he genuinely believes and he’s just sort of gently trying to bring the interviewer round to his point of view.
On pigeons: “I don’t understand why people want to get rid of them. They don’t bother no-one”
In my head I hear him saying this when he is quite young and stilll has that high effeminate lispy type voice. Excellent. Also, how did he get onto that subject in an interview?
On interviews: “Do you want to talk to me? Or watch my eating techniques: how I gorge like the chicken, how I eat like a barracuda”
The wording here is everything , notice that he doesn’t say “like A chicken”, but “like THE chicken”. It’s like he’s affording it it’s full title as a mark of respect, “ah the mighty chicken, I studied it’s gorging techniques and fused them with the more classical eating style of the barracuda, resulting in a style that pays respect to the past, but is also distinctly Mike.”
On life after boxing: “Being a champion opens a lot of doors – I’d like to sell insurance”
He’s a nutcase and a rapist but I love him